welcome to my Webbed Site

hey i'm Johnny Cornelius Morrissey-Smith & this is just a site i made for dicking around mostly :) i have no idea what im doing but by god i will look stylish doing it.


i am an enthusiast, a hater, a passionate lover, an anti-golfing anti-disney spinster, a proud autistic bisexual, a country boy, former internet sexyman, voted miss america 1995, banned in most U.S. states/territories, and an unpaid archivist of a decade long past. as a wee lad, one of the many complaints people had about me was i "never took anything seriously". this was mostly said by people who were too serious about everything, so i'm taking it as a compliment.

now, some number of years, weeks, and hair colors later, that still hasn't changed. except now i'm 2x cooler and the owner of an ever-growing record collection.
my hobbies include:

  • embroidery
  • watching bad movies
  • listening to (sometimes) bad music
  • rating things by qualities such as flakiness, salt levels, buoyancy, absorbency, acridity, exuberance, wit, charm, mouthfeel, and vim
  • being a hater (see here)

questions? comments? complaints? gripes, grievances, objections, or cannoli recipes you'd like featured here? guess my email address, answer my riddles three, beat my frogger score (860,630 points), and attach a video of yourself playing an impressive bagpipe solo and i may hear you out.